LOVE

L.O.V.E – INSATIABLE

 Everybody needs love. It was and has become the quintessential human emotion.  Love, a topic so widely discussed and differently perceived by many people. But what exactly is love? I would love quoting it as “A human emotion which has no barriers”. Love has many forms but the widely discussed one is about the love of a beloved. At this present point of time I am really fortunate enough to experience this showered blessing in my life.

To begin with I am Swetalina, a female by birth (blame my XX chromosome), an electrical engineer by mistake and a neurotic writer by passion.  A plain Jane – the girl next door.  Convent education and spending teenage years with Mills and Boons spurned the idea of a dream man. The TDH types. Blame the hormones and the peer pressure a horrible first relation with a heartbreaking break up; never did I thought I could ever fall in love.

The concept of childhood sweetheart was already ruined by my breakup, but I had made my mind no more emotional trauma I was going to undergo again. I had thought of it, it’s going to be a COST-BENEFIT analysis only. And here I step into college with a rejuvenated me with new vigour to be something.

(Here enters Mr. N). New place new people do I need to know anybody before joining college and lo behold social media comes to rescue—ORKUT. Social media was taking its toll and ORKUT was the in thing to network. Searched for the community of college and see if I could find any people of my batch.  Before I could add anybody there blinks a friend request from Mr. N. I clicked on his profile and could see a profile picture which read “I’M FAR FROM NORMAL”. “What sort of a psycho he is?” I thought. Anyways added him and here he was my first college friend and moreover he belonged to my hometown.  This addition led to chats and it led to discovering each other’s hobbies and found out he was a typical boy whose religion was cricket and GOD was Tendulkar. I was happy atleast I will be knowing atleast a single person on the orientation day.

1^st September, 2007- first day at college. I was looking for Mr.N but couldn’t locate him, never mind I thought he might have bunked and so I went upto the library to read some books to idle away time. I was just at the counter issuing a book when I heard somebody calling me, “Hey Swetalina”. As I turned around I saw a boy stretching out his hand to shake hands here he was Mr.N. Formally I shook hands with him and took leave so that I could engross myself in the book. It is actually an awkward situation when you meet your online friend.

College started and I hardly had any interaction with Mr. N he was busy with his group of friend and I was busy with my set of friends. Though we were of the same branch and class we hardly interacted with each other given the fact the only mode of communication we had was ORKUT and being newbie’s we weren’t allowed to have access to net in the hostels. 1^st semester was going to be over; all of us had bonded well so why not go for a picnic. And being the most interactive and friendly girl in the class I was assigned the duty of convincing everyone to go for a picnic. I convinced everybody except Mr.N (rude fellow :@), gave the excuse that he has some family function. Though I could make out very well he didn’t want to go out for a picnic without the administration permission and be a rebel (Bloody nerd is what I had thought).

December 2007, the picnic was a huge success but the aftermaths were dramatic: P DISCO (Disciplinary Committee) the first ever and that too for first years for us. Main culprits identified as me, Sujit and Channa (our collector).  While I was going for the DISCO hearing I met Mr.N near the period bell he was sympathizing with me. At that point of time I felt I could bang his head. But my anger cooled down after he accompanied all of us for the DISCO hearing even though he did not attend the picnic. Respect Dude.

January, 2007—Semester were over and we all were back at our respective homes. Holidays seemed boring after the bonding with friends back at college, But lo behold Orkut was there for rescue.     Mr.  N had increased his chat frequency with me. It was during this time that he invited me over to his place for a chit-chat. It was during this holiday period that I started knowing him. He was a bit shy introverted types a bit different from my other friends but all in all he has a different aura about him.

Summers at Bhubaneswar are real bummers and that too at hostels are unbearable so I was forced to stay at home and travel via bus daily to attend my semester exams. Mr. N also used to travel with me and we used to have varied discussion topics. Second semesters flew by in a flick and then the long boring summer holidays.  To spend my summer holidays I planned to visit my gang of girls who lived nearby. First place I planned to visit was my friends Kezia’s place at Bhubaneswar. By this point of time I had a cell and thanks to the BSNL free SMS services, Orkut chats were replaced by SMS chats and the frequency was too high given the rate of communication between me and Mr.N. An ardent book lover that I was Mr. N had gifted me his copy of Three Mistakes of My Life.  One fine night I was chit chatting with Kezia’s at her place and simultaneously reading Three Mistakes when my cell phone blinked. It was a text from Mr.  N. He had gone to Pure to spend his holidays with his childhood pal Bimal. Blame my sunshine but Leos are flirtiest so I texted back what would he be getting for me from Puri. “A matchbox full of corals”---is what he replied. Speechless.........

5^th July,2008. Place- Anugul. Kezia and I had come to visit our friend Suzzane . It was the chariot festival of Lord Jagannath on that day. The frequency of texts between me and Mr.N had manifolded. In the wee hours of the night when Suzzane and I were chit chatting comes a text from Mr. N. “You have already lived 18 years of your life. Wish I could have been with you all those time. My heart finds solace in seeing you smile. Without wating anymore time could I have the pleasure so that you can be mine ”.

What was I feeling at that point of time? How did I react to his proposal well that comes in the next part..... Till then keep reading and keep spreading LOVE

BALANCING THINGS RIGHT IN LIFE

Human Life is based on balancing right between a few many things. “We have overstretched our personal boundaries and forgotten that true happiness comes from living an authentic life fueled with a sense of purpose and balance.”Now the decision comes is it a few or many things between which we have to strike the right balance. It can be best judged by the story that I had come across during my difficult times when I had failed to judge between the balance I had to make.

The story goes about a philosophy professor – “A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.””

This simple story is what most of us have come across in our daily lives when striking the right balance between Family, Career and all the other menial things poses a huge problem for us. Getting everything sorted and getting our priorities right is what will propel us for accommodating the other pebbles and sands. Thus we must always remember that “Work, love and play are the great balance wheels of man’s being”,  and if there is a misalignment is the wheels then the cart might break down.

OLD IS GOLD

Life circle is aptly described as one can equate a child and an elderly person on the same scale. We all

talk mostly about troubled teens but have we ever discussed about the aged. I guess the answer is NO.

We don’t discuss about why our thoughts differ with those of our grandparents but always close the

topic with the most popular phrase-“GENERATION GAP” . Have we ever tried to step into their shoes

and think how lonely they might feel at their age when most of their friends have left for the heavenly

abode, they have retired from their job so have nothing to keep them engaged, grandchildren whom

they used to narrate bed time stories are more interested these days in PSII games and their own kids

are busy earning the green.

This thought about the aged and the lonely crossed my mind one winter evening when I was having

my evening tea with my grandfather. At his age I must admit he is fit and kicking but the lively smile

which he used to carry few year back was missing. During our conversation he poured his heart out

mentioning that how he felt being less preoccupied and idling away his time and how handicapped he

felt as everybody out there is busy with no time to chit chat with him. I was taken aback and felt low of

myself, the person who taught me the ABC of English, the do’ s and don’ts of life through all the short

stories of life and not to forget the morale booster doses of career was feeling low. Won’t I come to his

stage once? This is the question I pondered and would like to ask everyone.

We stay in India where grandparents are treated with the same respect as God but has westernization

affected us so much that we have lost our individuality and have fallen for the western culture blindly.

But we shouldn’t forget that in the west too children make it a point to visit and spend their free time

and weekend with their old parents. So, to end “Care for the old as infant kids for they need the same

care and love with interest that they had showered upon you once”.

In the end it didn't matter

In the end it didn’t matter…as I had learned the nuances of LIFE. Flashback…March 22, 2005 I had completed my I.C.S.E examinations and already my father had made me write entrance exams for all the top notch schools and I.I.T tutorial classes. Yes he was obsessed with seeing me as an engineer from a premiere engineering college. His joy knew no bounds when I was selected among the odd 2300 students all over India for coaching at BANSAL Classes, Kota (Yes Kota is known as the IIT hub as most geeks are incubated there).

As he had already rejected my proposal for studying commerce so I had no way out other than fulfilling his dreams and joining BANSAL Classes at Kota. Being a friendly person staying away from home didn’t really matter to me and I was all excited for the new journey in my life.

 Kota…Rajasthan the land of colors, the land of tradition. The day I alighted at the Kota Junction I couldn’t stop admiring the place but the moment I reached Vigyan Nagar the place where I have to stay for the next crucial two years of my life I felt all nauseatic as the air was filled with algebra, calculus, kinematics and organic reactions. I lodged myself as a paying guest at Malik’s uncle’s house. It was supposedly the best PG at Vigyan Nagar. Bidding goodbye my parents left early the next day leaving me on my own. Yes I was a big girl now. But little did I know that I wasn’t just here for I.I.T coaching but LIFE coaching too.

Within a week I bonded really well with my PG mates and made some very good friends here. Sia became a very good friend of mine. Sia she was every guy’s dream girl a pretty lass indeed. We had common interest and that was sighting good hunks which were rare to find in Kota. One month flew by soon and we were to encounter our first monthly tests at our coaching classes on the basis of which we were going to be allocated to batches (Yes it is quite similar to the historic caste system). Being away from home and not being a huge fan of rolling motion or fluid dynamics needless to say I got less marks and was thrown into one of the last batches at BANSAL’s….nearly an outcaste. Same was the condition with Sia and she was crying uncontrollably, while consoling Sia I became good friends with her roomie Renee.  Renee a typical mumbaikar, beauty with brains she was into one of the top batches. After all the issues were sorted we pledged that we will study together and Renee will help us out as she was getting coached for IIT since her 9^thstd and calculus was a cake walk for her. So here it was the formation of our Terrific Trio. J

Sia’s parents couldn’t see their topper child degrading in her studies so they asked her to leave the coaching n come back home and continue with normal high school studies. Sia was just going to be there for a week and then she would be leaving forever. I was feeling bad about it I was going to miss my closest pal Sia here. The last week that Sia stayed, we three had loads of fun studies were kept aside for a while. It was during this week that I became friends with Vinod. Vinod was from the same place as Sia and due to our common interests we became really fast friends. Sia left just few days before my birthday.

Kota became lifeless for me. Catching up with studies was difficult with me because of the relative grading. Renee was there but she was too engrossed with her studies. It was during this time that I started hanging out with Vinod. Vinod always used to say I am his best friend as I understand him. It was maybe this “best-friend” tag that I started trusting him a lot and going out with him alone within a few days of friendship seemed ok. After all he was my best-friend.

Early morning walks, doodh-jalebi and poha for breakfast, frequent visits to Saath -Handi for weekend dinners and hanging out at Nayapura Park became a routine. We started as two “best -friends” and within a short span of time we were a gang of five. Mohit from Delhi, Sameer from Shimla and Shivi from Agra. We were kind of the Famous Five group. 

Vinod had feelings for Shivi and he had confided in me lately. I gave him the courage to propose him as one should not let go of one’s love just because one is afraid to divulge one’s feelings. Vinod was charming and finally he wooed Shivi’s heart and we had a couple amidst us in our group.

Lately Vinod and Shivi were spending a lot of time alone which gave time for me, Mohit and Sameer to dedicate sometime to our studies and increase out final relative percentage so that we could be in one of the top batches next year at Bansal’s. Sameer, Mohit and I started studying together and our score were improving as united we struggled to conquer. One fine day Vinod texts me to meet him at Nayapura Park as he wants to say me something important. From his tone I could make out that he was disturbed. We met at the Nayapura Park and Vinod said that he had committed a mistake as he had mischannelled his youth. In one of their romantic encounters Shivi and Vinod have lost their control and have had made love without any sort of protection and Shivi was most probably pregnant as she had missed her periods by 3months. I was shell shocked hearing this as for me premature-sex was a crime. I couldn’t believe it that my “Best Friend” had committed this crime. It took me time to regain my composure. What’s done couldn’t be undone but it could sure be rectified. So I asked Vinod to take Shivi near a renowned gynecologist and get the foetus aborted but only after informing both their parent as both of them were juvenile.

Vinod had a brief talk with Shivi and within a month’s time all I knew was that Shivi’s mother had taken her away from Kota to her hometown and she would be continuing her studies there. 11^th standard final exams were approaching and so was the time nearing to go home for holidays. Our hard work paid off and Mohit, Sameer and I topped our schools respectively even got into the top batches of Bansal’s classes for the next year. Alas Vinod could only scrape through his 11^th standard finals and also same was the condition at Bansal’s Classes.

April 2^nd 2006, a new beginning. I was no more a loser and I was inching successfully towards fulfilling my dad’s dream. I was into one of the top batches with four of my very good friends. Renee, Mohit and Sameer.  Vinod was also back with new vigour to achieve. He had shifted recently next door to my place and had asked me if I could help him out with studies.

Vinod was struggling hard to keep up his grades and accelerate his preparation as he had just a year’s time. I was helping him out with it. One fine afternoon I was at Vine’s place helping him out with Physics as I was really good at it. Vinod’s landlady had given us lunch and had left with her family for a movie and we were alone at his place grueling our minds with Electrostatics. After an hour of battling with Electrostatics Vinod brought us Cold drinks to quench our thirst. After gulping down the drinks I found the taste to be funny and my head was reeling. After an hour or so I woke up and my head was feeling heavy and I found my clothes strewn on the floor. Aghast my “Best Friend” had used me. I found Vinod smirking at me. “So finally I conquered you my golden trophy”, he was saying me. I was feeling helpless. How could somebody whom I had trusted this 1 year along could break my trust and rob me of my dignity? I left his place crying. I started hating myself and stopped going to the coaching classes or school. Three days later I realized I could take it no more. I had to end my life so I gulped down an entire bottle of phenyl after penning down a suicide note for my parents. Phenyl took its toll over me and I fell down unconscious on the floor.

22^nd July 2006, I found myself in the hospital ward no 777. Besides me was my father, Renee and Sameer. I could not control my emotions seeing my loved ones besides me so I hugged my dad tight and started crying while Renee was scolding me for my foolishness. After I had cried my heart out my father advised me to be strong as this is not the end of the world as we humans learn from our own mistakes. So I should now judge people before trusting them as this world is a cruel place to live in. After my father left Sameer told me that Vinod was a lerch and he had spoilt the lives of many girls by drugging their drinks, he had done the same thing with Shivi. Vinod had challenged Mohit on the very first day in the beginning of our twelfth standard that he would get me laid with him. I was crying uncontrollably hearing this. Renee consoled me saying that don’t let Vinod get away like this. I should get him punished. Unconditional support from my father and friends Sameer and Renee pushed me to take a bold decision. Early next morning I went to Vigyan Nagar police station and lodged a complaint against Vinod stating that he drugged me and raped me. Students in the coaching classes were saying things about me but I turned a deaf ear towards everything and was focused on my studies and getting Vinod punished. Police caught Vinod from his hometown Raipur and he was imprisoned for 10 years. Renee cleared I.I.T exams and got into I.I.T powaii. Sameer got into N.T.U Singapore. I didn’t clear the I.I.T exams but I did clear the exams of LIFE and learnt every nuances of it.